I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
