My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
