I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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