the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
