How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
