So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
