And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
barbara walters just said penis...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
