OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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