fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
