so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
