somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
