It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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