If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
