If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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