He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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