His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am naked and annoyed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
