I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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