I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
