i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
