I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
