I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
