i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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