i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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