Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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