I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
