She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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