Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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