i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
