I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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