walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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