I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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