seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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