do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
