i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
