So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
