I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
