Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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