I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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