She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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