My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
