You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
