dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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