i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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