Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
