No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
