I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
