apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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