bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
