Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
