I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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