careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
