I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
