How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
