Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
