We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
